Wow! 4 months ago today, was the last time I updated! So sorry! I am sure you all are wondering where in the world I have been! Let's just say, it has been a little hectic to say the least!
Well, school started a week after the last post (that explains A LOT)! With that being said, the madnesss of Homecoming and SGA also began! The beginning of school is always really hectic, but it was even more so this year! For my birhtday, I got the news that I had to have sinus surgery #2! Months and months of antibiotics and steroids had failed to keep infection out of the area of the sinuses that were healthy at the time of surgery #1. Thankfully, I made it through surgery #2 only to find out 4 weeks later that I was looking at sinus surgery #3 as the infection had moved to the only part that had not been operated on. I was exhausted day & night, struggling through the day and no matter how much I slept, I still felt exhausted when I woke up. The last several months have been a real struggle! After facing sinus surgery #3 (which THANK GOD I didn't have to have after all!) I began seeking out some other help. I started a regime of vitamins and seeing a chiopractor. I never believed in chiopractors before, but let me tell you, within 3 weeks I was feeling almost 100% better and the infection had gone! Now, I don't completely credit the chiopractor.... I completely credit GOD! It was a very dark and humbling time for me! I realized during this time that I can not do anything on my own, it must all be Him! Thankfully, I am doing much better -- FINALLY!! I had been on antibiotics & steroids since January. Now, if you say antibiotic to me --- I rund screaming!!
On the adoption side of things.... what I know you really want to know about!.... things in August, September and October had moved really slow. There was no improvement in the process and again, this was a really dark and difficult time for me! I knew this process was hard, but I really had NO IDEA just how hard it could get! There are so many who have children and don't want them, yet those who want children have to go through so much trouble and turmoil to share love with a child! So sad! But, I won't get off on that tangent! I had all but given up hope, my faith was only the size of a mustard seed to begin with... and let me tell you, that is really small!
Although I had really been struggling emotionally, physically and spiritually too, I could feel God holding me close and holding me up! I know He was there all along, even though I couldn't see (and I am still not sure that I do see) what He was doing. I have read Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE" written about their famiy's journey to 3 beautiful adopted children to add to their own three, and the difficult time when one of their three girls was killed in a terrible accident. She tells of the incredible love God has shown them through this difficult time and that sometimes we have to "Choose to SEE" what He is doing. He is always working around us and through us, but we have to CHOOSE TO SEE IT! Wow! What an amazing truth! I decided that I needed to CHOOSE TO SEE what God was doing rather than focusing on what He was "not doing", according to my limited human world view!
Well, about the middle of October, this one sweet little child's name kept speaking to me from the Priority Adoption list. I had seen her name on the list for a couple of months and I kept being drawn to her name and the 1 sentence of information about her. So, after much prayer, I finally decided to requet her file and to read it through. (By the way, one doesn't request a file casually.... much prayer must go into that because each file you read, that child will remain with you forever! I feel that it is God's desire for me to pray for these sweet children like never before, as I might be the only one standing in the gap for these sweet beautiful children of God!) So, after reading and praying and researching, about a month's worth of praying and researching, I decided that God would have to close this door because I could not. So, I requested this sweet little one! Now, there have been some interesting "God things" in the time that I have been considering this sweet child. The one that I would like to share with you is this one: I had been considering her file for about a week or so. I decided to visit a Christian bookstore that I had not been to in a long time. As I was perusing the isles of books, I came across a baby name book. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what her name menat. I can't tell you her name, but here is what it meant: "Strong in Faith" and the scripture that accompanied the meaning of her name was Matthew 17:20 -- "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain MOVE and it will move." This verse, I had taken on as my verse for this journey back in the summer when things were looking so bleak! I just stood there and stared at the words on that page, certain that my tears were going to mess up the book! The truth is, I don't know that it was "confirmation", but it certainly was an encouragement from the only ONE who knew how much my heart needed some encouragement!
I was reminded of something not long ago..... this journey for me has been one that I liken to the Israelites' journey through the wilderness & desert to the Promised Land. There have certainly been those dry times of nothing, everyday waiting for God's daily Manna.... only enough for today, nothing I could store up or hold for tomorrow.... his light leading me through the darkness, and perhaps a glimpse of the Promised Land. But, what I was reminded of, is that there were GIANTS in the PROMISED LAND! After 40 years, the Israelites arrived at the Promised Land, scoped it out only to find GIANTS! Well, there are lots of giants in this sweet little one's Promised Land. Her story is her own, so I will not share what those giants are, that will be her choice when she is old enough to share. But, there are giants there. However, that isn't the end of the story..... God AGAIN PROVIDES for the Israelites... HE gave them what they needed to conquer the giants in the Promised Land! I am confident that God will give me what I need and what this precious child will need to conquer the giants!
The truth of the matter is this, this is God's journey! I have said that all along, but I have had to learn in the last 4 months how to LIVE those words! I have learned to LEAVE everything in His hands and wait for Him to move! Part of the last 4 months has been a lesson in doing this. He wants me to take a step and wait in FAITH on HIM. So, I have been! I am at complete peace with my request for this sweet precious little girl that I hope gets to be my own! I am at complete peace beacuase I have left EVERYTHING in the hands of the only ONE who can know what will be best for her! Only HE can see where I will be and where my child will be in 18 years and beyond.... and the journey that we will walk, so I have to leave EVERYTHING in His hands! The "mathcing meeting" (this is the meeting where the Peruvian gov't officials will determine whether this child is to be mine or not) is on December 22, and I am again aksing you to pray like you may have never prayed before. My prayer request is for GOD'S WILL to be done! Yes, I love this sweet one and I would love to give her a home, but she is God's not mine, and because I love her, I want ONLY God's BEST for her and only HE can see that! So, again, PLEASE PRAY! Pray for God's will to be done! Thank you for sharing in this journey with me, it is certainly a life-long journey and I am humbled by your desire to walk with me!
May you all have a Blessed and Merry Christmas! God has so many blessings just waiting for you.... will you "Choose to SEE" them this Christmas and throughout the year?
"I will not forget you! SEE, I have you engraved on the palms of my hands...." Isaiah 49:16